English Assignment

Braeburn's English class is causing us some stress around here.

First the assignment: Write a letter to the principal telling him something you would like to see improved at the school.

Well, let's see. If I were interpreting for Braeburn, I think he could say something succinct like, "cancel it". But since that wasn't an option, this was his first draft.

Dear Mr. P..,

As a student, I see high school for a rather different perspective than you do. Here on the ground, as it were, there are a number of problems which you may not be aware of, or may not care to address. The purpose of this letter is to make you aware of the most seditious and shocking of these problems, I refer to the common practice of playing instruments at sports games.

Every game, a group of rather scruffy looking desperadoes gather in one corner of the bleachers, bringing their noisemaking instruments with them. They begin by playing the National Anthem, an ordeal that quickly dispels any feeling of patriotism that lingered in the bleachers. Then, upon seeing us sit down, they start in on the School Song, forcing us to rise again, and clap half heartedly. Now that all patriotism and school spirit are gone from the croud, the mustached ringleader sees that his work is done, and motions for his gang to sit down. But never feat - at the most exciting moments of the game, say a touchdown or a long pass, they will suddenly begin playing the School Song again, or perhaps honor us with another of the three numbers that they claim to know.

This outrage must end.

Might I, therefore, suggest that this gang of hooligans - you might even call it a band - be immediately penalized. While expulsion from the school might be a bit severe, the confiscation of all instruments and sheet music is certainly in order. The rapid execution of these actions would result in far better sports games, assemblies and over all life for the student body. I sincerely hope that if you care for the students, or have any school pride, you take my suggestion into consideration. You will find that I am not alone in this sentiment.

Yours in hope of a quieter future,

Braeburn.

Golden Delicious and I appreciated the humor. Loved it in fact. Especially the beginning part about "here on the ground". It sounds just like the poor little turtle named Mack at the bottom of the stack in Yertle the Turtle.

Miss J, the teacher, must not have a sense of humor. (shocking) and in her comments merely asks for more evidence to support his claim, and takes issue with whether or not everyone loses school spirit when the band plays. At this point Braeburn gave up and decided to completely change tactics. After all, the grade's the thing. It is? Here was the new letter he dashed off this morning before school.

Dear Sir,

I was asked by my English teacher to prepare a persuasive letter illustrating a problem at the High School and how to fix it. The problem I have chosen is classroom discipline. I blieve that our teachers work very hard to provide interesting and absorbing lessons, as such, they deserve the complete and total attention of their students. In may cases, unfortunately, it is not so. I have seen a myriad of distractions, everything from reading novels in class to texting or doodling on assignments. These breaches in classroom discipline are not only disrespectful, they are also damaging to the education of the student.

What to do then? I feel that if the administration really clamped down on disrespectful behavior, much of it would go away. A no tolerance, iron-fisted policy on non-school related items, like books or drawing materials is in order. The students can read on their own time, while they are here, their attention should be devoted to the teacher. Much can be made of the Insubordination Charge - since the administration decides what is disresprectful or not, a whole plethora of activities that were once thought safe can be punished under that title. The seemingly simple act of talking in class can be misused to cheat on assignments or lambast the school faculty. The students would do well to remember that they are at school to learn, not to have a pleasant experience necessarily. They must learn now to "jump through the hoops" of the teachers so that they are prepared to do the same in the workforce.

I believe that prompt and severe disciplinary action is in order for all those students who engage in distracting activities in the classroom. If the points I have outlined are followed, school will become a far more efficient machine, and complete it's stated objectives with greater ease and success.

Please consider my requests,

Braeburn

Braeburn is convinced that she will take this literally, just like the last one he wrote. (impossible to my mind). We shall see. I mean really.... efficient machine? Dead giveaway. This could be a long year....